Sonnet 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

 Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

 Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

 That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

 Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

 Within his bending sickle's compass come:

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

 But bears it out even to the edge of doom. 

~ Shakespeare 

Relationally Speaking

I've been rewatching Sex & the City this week. 

Carrie's character is super good at relaying the questions that every woman asks herself sometimes.  The normal ones.  The crazy ones.  The scandalous ones.  Honestly, if a man wants to understand the way women think in this century, watching Sex & the City is a pretty good education.

Thus we loved the series because we see ourselves in the 4 ladies.

And for all you men out there who read this blog and are about to get judgey on me.  I am just telling you the truth.  The movies made money for a reason. 

So I have a few questions of my own that I've been mulling over.  Turning 34 this year and being married for 12 years makes me feel officially middle-aged.  Or at least officially grown.  No double dipping like it's 29 again.  There are certain realities about myself and my significant relationship that I have to face.  And in facing them admit that they aren't likely to change.

I am probably never going to be the Suzie Homemaker I want to be.  Does that make me a failure as a woman and a wife?  If I hire a cleaning lady am I shirking my duties?  I'm really good at being a business woman and an artist.  And I love it.  But is that more important than mopping the floor?

Are my priorities wrong?

There are personality traits in my husband that are never going to change.  If they haven't changed by now, a 35 year old is not likely to veer into new personality territory on his way to 40.  Unless it involves something fast and shiny.  Finding grace to allow him to be who he is because he allows me to be who I am is vitally important.  We got married at 21.  We are different now.  We are the same now.  It's the changing we do without trying that makes the relationship work.  And it's the constants we keep without meaning to that make our relationship hard.

Sometimes in life I feel like that Disney movie where the girl is in a canoe singing "Just around the River Bend"  waiting for the next thing to happen.  Waiting to wake up and find delight in a romance 12 years old.  My husband is very good at working on romance.  I'm not that good at it.  I need to be better.  For sure, one area where my priorities could use some definite improvement.

 And honestly sometimes my most difficult relationship is my relationship with myself.  I want to be funnier, wittier, thinner, prettier, have bigger boobs, a bigger bank account.  Be satisfied with simple things.  Enjoy the grand and glorious.  Shake the world for Jesus.  Hide in my office and hermit from life.  (Yes, hermit is a verb.  Hermiting is a regular thing for me.)  I want to be a better daughter, a sister with better friendships with her siblings, a better friend to my dear friends, a better Christian who doesn't let people down.  I want to be the kind of wife my husband is proud of and attracted to for 364 days out of 365.  Everybody needs a day off. ;)   I want to excel in my career and be a NAME in the industry. 

It's exhausting.

It's overwhelming.

It's normal.

Right?

Words of wisdom from the voice that is me a lot of times:

“Eventually all the pieces fall into place….until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason”~Carrie

And words of wisdom from the Voice that is not me:

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under heaven:

²     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
⁶     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

Stormageddon

Friday night Ruby and I were chatting and laughing in the car as we were booking it up to PA for the celebration of my friend Amanda's wedding.  In the instant that I took my eyes off the road and glanced at my sister the sky changed from grey overcast to a scene from a doomsday movie.  For real.  It looked like the End of Days was about to descend on us.  Yellow and black skies.  Lightning.  Wind.  I thought maybe we could soldier through, but just a few miles down the road the car was rocking back and forth. Trees were kissing the ground and I was convinced a tornado was hanging out around the corner to pounce on us.  We booked it back to the small town we had just passed.  The lights in the town were flickering as we pounded on the locked door of the McD's.  The manager looked pretty harrassed but she told us where we could find shelter, and Ruby and I and about 40 other people made our way to the Hampton Inn up the hill. 

We camped out in the lobby eating their fruit and playing board games as the storm played its own games outside.  I felt awful for the parents that were begging for cots so their kids could sleep.  The next day we made our way up to PA through forests and towns that looked decimated.  Power was not to be had anywhere at any gas stations, so gas lines wound all the way down the freeway in some parts. 

And then there is this week in the Burg. 

So in all of this adventure I am thankful for:

A lake day with my best friend and her husband. 
Camping out in the basement like 5th graders.
Internet up at work.
Extra time to get editing done.
Life and health and a house undamaged.
We didn't get swept away in WV in that storm.
My hallway at work is painted and pretty thx to my bro in law.

BTW, I've never heard of anything called a Derecho in all my life in north OR south America.  I think weather people make stuff up when they don't know what's going on.  :)