I sometimes feel like I write only or mostly when something is wrong in my heart.
Tonight I want to share something beautiful and good.
In this season of busy and overwhelmed, I have been tired in my soul. Tired in my heart. Dragging myself to ministry and to meetings.
As I sat around a circle of ladies tonight and listened to them share their stories, 3 of them had things to say about how God had used my obedience in their lives to draw them closer to himself.
It just felt like God sat next to me and put an arm around my shoulder and said, see girl... things are getting done whether you feel it or not. I felt like he put a finger under my chin and lifted my face up. Not because I am wonderful and wise, but because I know I am not and he wants to use me.
I felt the pleasure and the presence of Christ tonight and it was sweet.
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Nicaragua and a Life Update
It's hard to say when you know your life is changing. Sometimes it comes in a blinding moment, and sometimes it creeps up on you slowly. There have been several awareness moments for me this year. A moment where life, or God, taps me on the shoulder and says, "Pay attention".
I could tell you a million things about Nicaragua. Its humidity, its food, its sunsets. The ruins of a cathedral from a natural catastrophe and a culture from years of violent human castrophe. But if you and I have been on this journey for awhile, you know these things.
You know we went to visit women who love God and seek the broken.
You know we came as strangers and left as sisters and friends.
So I will tell you the moment that wrecked my heart and caused me to pay attention.
I had mentioned in passing to a friend one afternoon that we should perhaps, get a prayer meeting together for the suffering in Iraq and the Ebola crisis in Africa. Here is where that came from in my heart: obligation. What kind of Christ follower am I really, if I'm not praying for the suffering? So let us, by all means, put on the show and do the stuff we do to show God we made an effort.
Sitting around a circle of poverty stricken, ex prostitutes one day later, prayer requests were being mentioned. Most women asked prayer for families, children, health issues, financial issues and then a sweet 60 year old woman said, let us pray for our brothers in Iraq and the suffering in Africa.
And I was devastated.
In my foolish pride, I think that God needs my help to get things done.
But instead, he chooses to use the prayer of an impoverished, older woman who used to sell her body. Because her prayer is powerful and effective, and her heart is righteous before him.
God does not need my help.
He loves and uses his people in every part of society. Every country. Every age and gender. If I am invited by him to be a part of it, then I am blessed beyond what I can comprehend.
Let me be low. Low before my fellow family in Christ and low before the one who calls my name and the names of those all over the world that belong to him. Let me be called to follow in the steps of the Lamb who emptied himself and became a servant. Let me be quiet before him.
Let me pay attention to what he's doing.
I could tell you a million things about Nicaragua. Its humidity, its food, its sunsets. The ruins of a cathedral from a natural catastrophe and a culture from years of violent human castrophe. But if you and I have been on this journey for awhile, you know these things.
You know we went to visit women who love God and seek the broken.
You know we came as strangers and left as sisters and friends.
So I will tell you the moment that wrecked my heart and caused me to pay attention.
I had mentioned in passing to a friend one afternoon that we should perhaps, get a prayer meeting together for the suffering in Iraq and the Ebola crisis in Africa. Here is where that came from in my heart: obligation. What kind of Christ follower am I really, if I'm not praying for the suffering? So let us, by all means, put on the show and do the stuff we do to show God we made an effort.
Sitting around a circle of poverty stricken, ex prostitutes one day later, prayer requests were being mentioned. Most women asked prayer for families, children, health issues, financial issues and then a sweet 60 year old woman said, let us pray for our brothers in Iraq and the suffering in Africa.
And I was devastated.
In my foolish pride, I think that God needs my help to get things done.
But instead, he chooses to use the prayer of an impoverished, older woman who used to sell her body. Because her prayer is powerful and effective, and her heart is righteous before him.
God does not need my help.
He loves and uses his people in every part of society. Every country. Every age and gender. If I am invited by him to be a part of it, then I am blessed beyond what I can comprehend.
Let me be low. Low before my fellow family in Christ and low before the one who calls my name and the names of those all over the world that belong to him. Let me be called to follow in the steps of the Lamb who emptied himself and became a servant. Let me be quiet before him.
Let me pay attention to what he's doing.
Friday, May 16, 2014
Selfies
If there's a new word I hate in the English language, it's selfies. It's right up there with panties, moist, and ain't for cringe worthy, eye rolling, head shaking terrible parts of the english language.
However, in the age of the interwebs, instagram, facebook, and twitter females(and males) of all ages, myself included, have taken to posting loads of what I like to call, self portraits. :)
Self portraiture is an art form as old as Rembrandt. In fact, he painted nearly 100 self portraits in his lifetime. That's some commitment. It wasn't a minute on a self phone in those days, a portrait took hours of work.
We all want recognition. Rembrandt wanted it. Teenage girls want it. We want to be seen.
This week in particular I've been thinking a lot about worth and wisdom and attention seeking. Heart motivations for this Crystal George. I had a blond moment, that turned into a facebook post, that turned into a doctored photo of me from a friend. That picture received 133 likes and tons of comments. I only say that, to say this...
I'm as girlie as the next girl. Who doesn't like to be told she's pretty? But I was thinking again, tonight especially, what do I want to be seen for? My worth is not in a pretty picture, or an amount of attention. I want to be a truth teller. A lover of people and God. Someone who does the hard stuff when it hurts. Someone who laughs deeply and often.
How do you fit those things into an image on a screen?
And I want to say it on these social media sites to all my friends that are out there fighting the same fights with insecurity and the need to be seen:
For all the days where my hair is right, and my outfit is tight, and the camera likes me a little, there are also the days where my hair is a disaster. I wear sweats because nothing fits. My face is breaking out at the ripe age of 35. And I haven't shaved my legs in a week. ;)
No one's life is really a pinterest board.
I want to be seen. For real. The beautiful and the not so beautiful. I want to tell the truth about who I am really, and Who makes me beautiful, really. So that if you are looking into this window that is my heart, the light of Christ shines back at you.
I took this picture a few years ago, on a day that I was not wearing any makeup, my hair was just up, and I was wearing sweats. In fact, this picture was taken during a week when that was pretty much my MO every day.
There is no photoshopped picture that is as beautiful as an honest heart. This picture reminds me of that truth, and I want to share it with you.
Real = beautiful.
However, in the age of the interwebs, instagram, facebook, and twitter females(and males) of all ages, myself included, have taken to posting loads of what I like to call, self portraits. :)
Self portraiture is an art form as old as Rembrandt. In fact, he painted nearly 100 self portraits in his lifetime. That's some commitment. It wasn't a minute on a self phone in those days, a portrait took hours of work.
We all want recognition. Rembrandt wanted it. Teenage girls want it. We want to be seen.
This week in particular I've been thinking a lot about worth and wisdom and attention seeking. Heart motivations for this Crystal George. I had a blond moment, that turned into a facebook post, that turned into a doctored photo of me from a friend. That picture received 133 likes and tons of comments. I only say that, to say this...
I'm as girlie as the next girl. Who doesn't like to be told she's pretty? But I was thinking again, tonight especially, what do I want to be seen for? My worth is not in a pretty picture, or an amount of attention. I want to be a truth teller. A lover of people and God. Someone who does the hard stuff when it hurts. Someone who laughs deeply and often.
How do you fit those things into an image on a screen?
And I want to say it on these social media sites to all my friends that are out there fighting the same fights with insecurity and the need to be seen:
For all the days where my hair is right, and my outfit is tight, and the camera likes me a little, there are also the days where my hair is a disaster. I wear sweats because nothing fits. My face is breaking out at the ripe age of 35. And I haven't shaved my legs in a week. ;)
No one's life is really a pinterest board.
I want to be seen. For real. The beautiful and the not so beautiful. I want to tell the truth about who I am really, and Who makes me beautiful, really. So that if you are looking into this window that is my heart, the light of Christ shines back at you.
I took this picture a few years ago, on a day that I was not wearing any makeup, my hair was just up, and I was wearing sweats. In fact, this picture was taken during a week when that was pretty much my MO every day.
There is no photoshopped picture that is as beautiful as an honest heart. This picture reminds me of that truth, and I want to share it with you.
Real = beautiful.
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