The wages of sin is so death.  Always.  Ugh. 

Sex on Sunday?

Well, it's been a busy few days.  2 weddings last weekend.  I always feel like I have a semi that's run over me and then backed up and run over me again on double wedding weekends.  Both weddings had BRCC folk involved in them, so that was fun.  A couple of things that happened:

At wedding 2 I was wearing a white shirt and somehow managed to get chocolate all over the front of it.  I do not even know.  Thus there were chocolate milk jokes made for the next 2 hours.

At wedding 1 I got to work with the Tresca crew, which I always enjoy.  They may have stolen the camera and I have the evidence to prove it. :)

The teach went well at Crash last night.  In the sense that I didn't faint or run screaming off the stage.  For the rest of it you'll have to ask someone who was there.  I did manage to somehow walk into the wrong part of the room and make the mic screech.  Everyone really enjoyed that.  Don't give a blond a microphone

Ryan is in Canada hiking with some friends. We are in a really good place right now and I miss him a lot. 

The sex talks at church are making me really uncomfortable.  Can I just put that out there?  It's possible that it's my very proper Canadian mother's fault, or my raisin' as an MK, or 4 years of PCC.  Or maybe a combination of all three.  Nevertheless, I was about 23 shades of red on Sunday.  Carter has promised to sit next to me and make dirty jokes so I can make it through this weekend's service.  That is a true friend.  Don't get me wrong, please.  I am a huge fan of sex.  Sex is great.  Having your pastor say things like "orgasmic women" from the stage is amazingly awkward. I prefer to think that Woody and Nan cuddle a lot.  That's all.  ;)

On to the next weekend.  That's how my summer is measured.  In weekends.  In weddings.  And the space inbetween.

I am Not

So, in the last week I've been asked by 3 different ladies to disciple them.

The tension for me is in doing what God wants me to do and loving them as best I can, and the fear of failure.  The fear of pride and arrogance.  And the fear of keeping too many balls in the air as I juggle what this life is.

I am taking my first turn teaching Crash next Wed too, and all of that same tension is with me in thinking about it.

I was prepping my talk this morning and praying about it, and God just said this.   Do what I've told you to do.  It doesn't matter how good or bad you think it is.  It doesn't matter what Andy, Melissa or any of the other Crash leaders think about how you do it.  It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks except Me.

Just do what I want you to do.

That's enough.

And I feel way much better now. :)

It's amazing how much serving the expectations of people around you can become a slavery and a burden.  Or even the expectation of what you think their expectations are going to be. haha!

It's so easy to get caught up in my head and think about me.  Reflecting on me.  How things will affect me, how I will affect them.  The outcomes and possibilities all revolving around....you guessed it.  Me.

I'm not the point.

I am not.  But I know I AM.