Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Dealing With Conflict & Sin

This is just notes for me.  I want to have them somewhere in an organized fashion.  So disregard unless you really want to see it. :) 

 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault,  just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector. ~ Matthew 18:15-17

Leviticus 19:17

17 “‘Do not hate your brother in your heart.  Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in his guilt.

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. ~ Galations 6:1

Romans 16:17
17 I urge you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them.

Titus 3:10
10 Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them.
1. How great an evil real heresy is, not lightly therefore to be charged upon any, though greatly to be taken heed of by all. Such a one is subverted or perverted—a metaphor from a building so ruined as to render it difficult if not impossible to repair and raise it up again. Real heretics have seldom been recovered to the true faith: not so much defect of judgment, as perverseness of the will, being in the case, through pride, or ambition, or self-willedness, or covetousness, or such like corruption, which therefore must be taken heed of: "Be humble, love the truth and practise it, and damning heresy will be escaped.’’ 2. Pains and patience must be used about those that err most grievously. They are not easily and soon to be given up and cast off, but competent time and means must be tried for their recovery. 3. The church’s means even with heretics are persuasive and rational. They must be admonished, instructed, and warned; so much nouthesia imports. 4. Upon continued obstinacy and irreclaimableness, the church has power, and is obliged, to preserve its own purity, by severing such a corrupt member which discipline may by God’s blessing become effectual to reform the offender, or if not it will leave him the more inexcusable in his condemnation.   Matthew Henry's Commentary

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

when my heart is missing you

my heart is missing you
even a cynic can dream
caught between realities
might be's

there is a part of me
that waits for you
soul meeting mate
and on summer nights
empty is more than space

sweet sad love songs
and day dreams
starry nights
breathing under open sky
with arms wide open
when my heart is missing

Tuesday, October 23, 2012


As a child I never really had heroes.  People always ask kids who they want to be like when they grow up.  I never knew.  I don't know if it's just my kind of naturally cynical personality, or experience with good literature early in life, or just being a punky independent girl. 

As an adult, it's been a little bit the opposite.  Having seen the pain that life can bring I guess I have wanted heroes a little more now than when I was small.  Cynics can dream too. :) Someone, somewhere has to do it right.  I don't need super powers or leaping of buildings, or capes and costumes. 

Can you be dependable?
Can you be trustworthy?
Can you hang in there when it's hard and you have to sacrifice?
Can you tell the truth? All the time?
Can you love unconditionally?

Recently a hero has fallen off his pedestal.  Someone I love and care for.  He's fallen pretty far.  And his fall affects lots of people.  But the truth is that under the cape and costume heroes are people too.  Flawed and fallable like the rest of us.  So I guess my hero can't be human.  Or can he?

When I was fifteen I wrote Jesus' name on my hands and said my whole life.  Jesus.  All of it.  All for you.  (It's a little weird, I know this.)  Jesus has never once failed me.  Never let me down.  He is the utmost example of love and sacrifice.  Of a life well lived.  Of a human being to aspire to be like.  So that's my Jesus.  My hero.  And he's gone a step further in giving me glimpses of him in the people around me.  Like my friend Ashley says, I'm not sure if I can trust you, but I can trust Jesus in you.  And those glimpses of Jesus in my friends give me hope when other heroes fall down. 

Thinking this through in the shower tonight I had a little Jesus time.  Full out singing and everything.  There's a song I learned growing up that just got stuck in my heart and I had to sing it out loud.  The lyrics go like this:

Tu amor por mi es mas dulce que la miel
Y tu misericordia es nueva cada dia

Es por eso q' te alabo
Es por eso q' te sirvo
Es por eso q' te doy todo mi amor. 


Your love for me is sweeter than honey
And your mercies are new every morning

For this reason I praise you
For this reason I serve you
For this reason I give you all my love.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

I Am An Artist

Sometimes I forget it. 

I am a woman in a man's world.

I never forget it.

You guys go hard, and I'll go harder.

Let's create. 

Sunday, October 14, 2012

you put your hands on my heart

and now it beats

~love all over me, Monica

Monday, October 8, 2012


I have a tattoo of the chinese symbol for truth on my back. Truth is something that is non negotiable with me.  You can't have a real relationship without it.  You can't be alive without it.  Living in deceit is a half life filled with fear of exposure and monsters under the bed. 

I want the light.  Even if the light is harsh and the truth hurts.  Hurt me for my good.  Don't poison me with a pleasant lie.   One of the many reasons I love Jesus is that he is the Truth.  He doesn't let me live in self deceit or allow me to deceive others. 

The truth sets us free.  Free to be real.  Free to fall down.  Free to get up after falling.  Facing your total inability to be a perfect human being allows you to grow into a better one. 

Telling the truth to the people around you allows them the freedom to do the same.  It's like injecting medicine into a diseased wound.  I think that the Bible tells us to speak the truth in love because it's the most powerful way to live.  To change lives.  Jesus said his people would worship in Spirit and truth.  And Jesus said anyone who doesn't acknowledge his sin is self deceiving and the truth is not in him. 

Speak the truth.  Always be real with me.  I will do the same for you.

Sunday, October 7, 2012


Catalyst has been, well, a catalyst in my life for 2 years now. 

Last year, God told me to rearrange my priorities and make people more important than work.  And to become a part of the teaching team at Crash.  Looking back at my year since Catalyst has been kind of crazy to see how clear that direction was.  How it's played out in my life and my everyday.  How the people in my circle of friendships can say with certainty that this is what has changed in me. 

Jeremy said something to me several years ago.  We had been going around and around about the lack of a college and career place for people at BRCC since Apex ended.  I was of the opinion that BRCC should do something about it, and Jeremy was of the opinion that I should do something about it if it was on my heart.  I told him that I had too heavy of a workload.  And then he said something that's gotten lodged in my heart.  He said that if it was of God, I would have to make a choice and that the work would become less important if I was following God. 

I got mad and left. haha.

So that leads me to 2012.  Teaching/discipling/planning/serving with dear friends to reach women.  Not just reach them.  Walk with them toward Jesus together.  Making choices to do less work, and make room for more discipleships.  And all of this is not because I am good or awesome but because God has moved me. Step by step toward what His heart is.  Not leaving me alone as a slave of the temporary.  Making me into a slave of the desires of His heart for people. 

Amazing.  Even in the foolishness of my heart and my sin, He still sees me as useful.   And I am a sinful girl.  Do not ever think I am not.

Even typing this, there are tears in my eyes.  HE IS SO GOOD.

So this year the theme of what God has been saying is less of you, Crystal.  More of me.  Lift me up.  Lay down your pride.  I was wrecked during one of the worship songs this year.  Jesus at the Center.  Jesus at the center of my motivations.  Of the serving.  The discipleships.  The friendships.  My marriage.  The work I do.  My life.  My heart.  Jesus. 

Please God.

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