Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I crave your chocolate smile.

Tea Stained

The conversations are weekly or monthly.  It happens during late night get togethers in living rooms or on early morning coffee house couches.  I've been broken during these moments.  I've cried tears of laughter. Topics cover everything from men to fashion to television to God.  I've shared and listened to heart's deepest secrets and grown in immeasurable ways. 

The one connecting factor to all of these moments is tea. 

My favorite is Kenyan.  It's black, it's sweet and spicy, and with a little leche in it...yummo.  It's comfort to my soul.  In the morning, in the evening, when I'm sick or tired.  (Jen thought she was marrying a Kenyan man for love.  Nope.  It was all part of my master plan to have a tea dealer near and dear to me.)  

I was thinking today about how I used to tea stain things in highschool or college to get an aged look.  I hope that my heart looks like that years from now.  A little wrinkled, and a little worn, but brown and aged with years of conversations over tea.  


Friday, July 23, 2010


When my feet of clay are shattered

What a Saviour
What a Story

Grace, offending the world
and saving me
Simple story
Simple truth

So simply to the cross I cling
When there is an end to me

Letting go of all earthly things
Pride, ambition leave me weak

Clinging to the cross

Mercy’s found a way for me
Unconditional love waits patiently

Hope is here as I am free

Remind me as my heart beats

Jesus, You are all I need

In awe of how you pursue me.

Clinging to the cross

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

In Da Club

Do you want to get lei'd? Asked the bouncer.  Confused....I responded.."um, um, not really...." "Bachelorette parties get in free," he said, and handed me a terrifically tacky plastic lei.  The music was loud and the floor was packed as we made our way in.  Me, Kells(the bride) and 5 girlfriends.  Armed and dangerous with our dare cards.  (-:

Faith had done her job earlier, and all the cards were rated PG. 

We made our way onto the dance floor, and the fun commenced.  Kellie's card said, "Dance alone to Wild Thing".  So I made my way to the DJ and made a request.

As I innocently danced next to Kells 5 minutes later, the DJ did that cool spin thing and all of the sudden...." WILD THANNG!" haha, but Kellie dancing to Wild Thing leaves a little of the Wild part to be desired. (=  She is a mellow dancer:  Exhibit A.

The second intrepid dare doer was Amanda.  I was sitting next to Faith at the table chatting and watching the dance floor and all of the sudden I see Amanda streaking across the back of the club, not literally streaking of course, and catching up to a guy.  Sure enough, 2 minutes later he and his friend are following her back to our table.  As soon as we are all watching, he bends his head down(Amanda is short) and she plops a kiss on his shiny bald head.  We cheer like crazy people and he high fives us.  Everybody's happy. 

Faith and I being the least interested in dancing and the most interested in sitting, are still hanging out at the table later on.  Faith decides it's her turn.  She pops up, walks over to the guy sitting on the end of the pool table in front of us, and whispers in his ear.  He immediately turns around and sticks his bootie out.  Faith pinches it.  Again, everybody's happy.  All of the sudden Faith is tapped on the shoulder, she turns around and there is his friend sticking his bootie out for a friendly pinch as well. 

Apparently he was concerned that his bootie was recognized as being cute also.

Ruby had to ask a guy to marry her.  He politely declined.  Sheila got a number, with warnings not to prank call him.  Nati danced with a boy....who asked if he could dance with the "queen" ie, Kells and got politely declined in turn.  haha.

My card said I had to dance with a boy younger than me.  So I got my cougar skillzz on and went hunting.  (=  There were two little asian boys on the edge of the dance floor who looked like they hadn't been to a club before in their nerdy little lives.  Seriously.  One of them was texting.  So I asked him to dance....his eyes got really big and his friend grinned and pushed him out on the dance floor.  We, and by this I mean, me -- danced for two hot seconds while all the girls were over on the side cracking up.  The cute little guy tried to move, but I really think it was his first time and he was so helpless.  And hilarious. 

So we left victorious.  Tired, but happy....Kellie's last big single hurrah a success in every way!  Fun was had by all, included the various boys who were kind enough to humor us. 

And in the car the next day, Faith and Amanda were talking about getting lei'd and it occured to me what the bouncer was actually asking....blond hair moment # 304.  Yup, for the weekend.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Beach, baby!

Tomorrow we head out to the beach! I LOVE it. Can't wait to lay out, enjoy a classy hotel, go find some mayhem to get involved in, and embarrass the heck out of Kellie.

VA Beach!! Kellie's Bachelorette weekend.....HEART this.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

surprise me

tease me into falling

back in love

it's so easy because

you know I'm a sucker for you.

Monday, July 12, 2010


Humanity struggles with self image.  Having fallen from the perfect reflection of God that we were made to be, we all acknowledge it internally-if not externally.  It's expressed all over the place in the search for self worth in wealth, religion, looks and power.

Personally, I have a really hard time dealing with failure.  Part of it is my oldest child syndrome.  I want to fix everything.  Part of it is my search for perfection in my art.  It takes me a long time recover from a situation in which I feel like I let my client down, or didn't offer the best that I have to give.   I also have a need to please the people around me.  Make everyone happy, comfortable.

So failure and I don't get along.  At all.

God often takes the circumstances of my life and uses several different situations to press a point home to me.  Woody started a series in church on Freedom.  My mother in law and Renee had a falling out based on legalistic ideals.  Ruby requested we study Grace in SG.  I disappointed a client this week, one that I really like and wanted to be pleased.  One of my friends has turned sharply away from faith and into legalism.  And so in pretty much every area of my life God is teaching me about grace. 

What does grace have to do with failure?   Well, just that in one, I have desperate need of the other.  But I don't know how to receive grace many times.  Or believe that I am worthy of it.  The work of God is about God, not about my efforts in it.  This tension is difficult to understand and work through, since intrinsically I want to do and achieve.  And I gain self worth from doing well.

I'm still trying to understand practically what grace means daily for me.  Who I am.  Situations in life.  It's a process.  A journey.  It's a good thing God is patient with me.

"Some people feel guilty about their anxieties and regard them as a defect of faith but they are afflictions, not sins. Like all afflictions, they are, if we can so take them, our share in the passion of Christ."  ~ CS Lewis

Thursday, July 8, 2010

I had lunch today

With my 3 best girlfriends. Really what more can you ask for. (=

Tuesday, July 6, 2010


small rumbles
turn to big ones

thank you for shaking my world.

Monday, July 5, 2010

well, 3rd post is the charm

Yes, in one day even.  Rollercoaster of emotion much?

Small groups tonight.  Study on grace.  How much did I not want to lead it tonight.  A LOT.

Read through Galations 5 and Jeremiah 32.  And finished in Romans 5.  All good reminders of that fact that God is sufficient.  And gracious.  And slow to anger and abounding in love.  In fact, all of the things that I wasn't today.

The part that I love the most is in verses 1-2 of Romans 5.  The phrase, :stand in grace: it's hit my heart and lodged there.  I fail to think that I can stand at all sometimes, especially in grace.  But it doesn't depend on me and that is the good news.

Stand in grace.
Stand in grace.

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Eph 6:13

Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.  Rom 14:4

God help me to be gracious and to stand in my life and in my days as a little reflection of you.

I Started

To write a post today about how tired and burnt out I was, and how glad I was to take a day off yesterday.  Well, to continue my B*ing, I also feel like a babysitter a lot of times to the people around me.  Whether it's clients or family, or friends. 

Why can't people be grown ups?  Who think for themselves?  Believe me, I say this humbly, cuz if I have to be your babysitter, you are in dire straits. 

That's all I have to say for today.  And I will also reread the last post and remember that not every day is like this, and to take a moment to thank God for that as well.

The End.

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