Some nights there is a wistfulness in my heart. A longing for more. Often I don't even know what that means or what it looks like. A small discontent. Tonight, and actually today felt like that. More in my relationship, more in my friendships? More in myself. Mostly more in myself.
At church we are in the middle of a series called Leaving Your Mark. It's been a good soul searching kind of series. A verse that has impacted my heart, and been with me for years is Proverbs 31:12
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
In every relationship, whether wife, or friend, or sibling or daughter, gosh, I just really want to leave that kind of mark. To bring the people who are in my life good, not evil. To never intentionally do harm. To intentionally bring blessing. It's a goal. It's definitely not been attained. I wonder what people would say about my life right now if there was a memorial service held. What would my mark be?
Today on facebook I was scrolling through one of those ridiculous questionnaire applications. People had answered questions about me and I had some interesting discoveries. For the record: I have skinny dipped and I have never smoked. Just wanted to clear that up. (=
But one of the questions was whether or not I was materialistic. The answer was yes. Ugh. No. That hurts. That is not the mark I want to leave. It caused me to do some thinking today.
Some evaluating of what I say and what I do.
And shout out to Jeffrey, that song you posted tonight, I clicked on it and it totally summed up today. Yes, please, if the people God collides my life with say that they are better people for having known me. And not me, but Christ in me. That, that would be insanely amazing.
My church is going to Nicaragua in a week to evaluate a ministry for support, and I am going with them as the translator. Two of our senior pastors, and two women who are pretty involved in church things are going. I don't really know any of them that well. I am shy around them. The people pleaser in me wants them to like me. I want to kiss up a little bit. Not attractive, but true. Not a good mark. Not the mark I want to leave with them on this trip. I don't want to want what is inappropriate for me. I want to want the heart of Christ in me. Not I, but Christ.
What a mark to leave.
Here is the song...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtMN3mXmvqU
2 comments:
First of all, to get this out of the way, that song is AMAZING. The musical, "Wicked" is easily my favorite ever, it has knocked all others from the top notch. :D LOVE that song.
Secondly and most importantly - I am praying for you, chica. Really. And for what it's worth, what I told K the other night, you often don't know the affect you have on others and the mark you leave. Even in the short time I've gotten to spend with you, you've left an indelibly phenomenal mark on my life. I have spent more than a few minutes sharing with my mom and sis how much I am blessed by your friendship and how I long to be a friend more like you. So I hope that encourages you a little bit. :D
Also, really looking forward to tomorrow. LOVE YOU!
A
Hmm :) Glad you liked the song. Another solid post too, Crys. Your transparency is always so challenging. Love it.
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