So, I had a fight with a friend yesterday. Someone I consider a really good friend.
And for me it kind of came out of nowhere. After she explained where she was coming from yesterday I understand how she was upset with me, but in the moment I wasn't expecting it and it hurt a lot.
Maybe I'm the only one who does this, but I kind of buy into the idea consciously or not, often, that I'm pretty awesome. I'm a good person. I love my family and my friends. I work hard. I love Jesus. So you know, how can one not love the glory that is Crystal? All of this, baby. Oh. yeah.
Yesterday was a reality check for me in a good way. As painful as it was, I needed to be reminded that I'm not as awesome as I think I am really. And in all of the avenues I mentioned above the only reason that I don't screw up more than I do is that Jesus tells me how to behave.
I was pretty selfish in my relationship with my friend. I was wrong.
Dave said something in the last series on sex, yes I did learn something, that has been stuck in my brain for a while. It was something along the lines that you can't really understand grace until someone has looked at you and known you fully, the good, the bad, the indifferent....and still chooses you. That's so true. And it makes me realize again the magnitude of grace God gives me on a regular basis. Not because I'm selfish. But because I'm selfish so often and don't realize it. It such an ingrained part of me. And He still chooses me.
And I need to be that way toward the people who hurt me. Gracious. Forgiving. Kind.
God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. That's the recipe of how He deals with me on a regular basis. Disciplining(read giving me reality checks) me appropriately and then being gracious in His forgiveness.
I'm sorry I hurt my friend, and I hope that she will forgive me. But I'm glad for the reminder that pride gets you nowhere in life. Sometimes I think we should all wear signs that say, "I'm human, handle with care."
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