Mommy Dreams

We get to keep Jordan tonight. I love watching her. She is spontaneous fun in a 2 year old body. Hey, I know I'm biased, but she is the cutest, smartest, sweetest little girl evah. And she is talking in sentences and paragraphs now so we can have actual conversations. Apparently she downloaded some of her looks from her auntie because she and I at the same age looked a lot alike. People often assume that she is mine when we are out, and I admit to feeling that pang every time. Not because I want to steal J away from my brother and sister in law(who rock) but because I have serious baby fever.

I am a vivid dreamer, and often I can remember my dreams. For example, I had a nightmare when I was 10 and we lived in my grandmother's cabin on furlough. The cabin was kind of a nightmare in real life, and that translated in my dream to sharks swimming around in the rugs and having to jump around on the furniture to get out the kitchen window. I dream often of airplanes and airports and sometimes US Presidents. haha. I can't tell you about the presidential dreams, Internet. Just know that they were very funny. (= Anyway, one night earlier this year I dreamed that two giant turtles were chasing me and one of them knocked me down. It was a dream that begged for an explanation so I looked it up. Apparently dreaming about turtles = dreaming about pregnancy and two turtles means twins.

Bottom line. So ready to get knocked down by a turtle and join the ranks of my friends and family who post thousands of baby pictures and talk about staying up all night and teething issues and potty training. Yup. I want to join that so interesting conversation.

Maybe not twins, though. (;

A New Day

This morning it's chilly and rainy. I am eating a banana, drinking a pepsi and listening to music hoping motivation to work will suddenly come knocking on my door. This week out of nowhere I just had this major craving. MUST.LISTEN.TO.CELINE.DION. There's no fighting these things. So Ms. Celine is my soundtrack to the day, and these lyrics seem appropriate for my rainy Friday am. You are welcome internet. (=

Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun
A new day has...come

More Thoughts

Tonight a friend posted a story on the pitfalls of social networking. Part of the business of being a photographer is that you are also in the business of selling your personality. It means a lot of time online and a lot of time posting and talking about yourself. Having said that, two of the issues he brought up hit kind of home for me. One is the issue of narcissism, and the other one was the possibility of online relationships becoming inappropriate. I was thinking about the narcissism thing tonight at the gym. Especially after having written that last post about using I every other word. It's true that my job does require that of me, but it's also true that one of my major love languages is words. I like to be told that I'm nice, pretty, talented all of the above especially if the words seem genuine. Maybe I cross the line too much with all the posting. Maybe I care too much when nobody jumps right in with compliments or kindness. I don't think it's wrong to accept verbal affirmations, but maybe it's wrong to seek it all the time. This quote from the Calvary Road seems especially appropriate:

"The Lord Jesus cannot live in us fully and reveal Himself through until the proud self within us is broken. This simply means that the hard unyielding self, which justifies itself, wants its own way, stands up for its rights, and seeks its own glory, at last bows its head to God's will, admits its wrong, gives up its own way to Jesus, surrenders its rights and discards its own glory - that the Lord Jesus might have all and be all. In other words it is dying to self and self-attitudes."

Gosh, if I'm honest, I seek my own glory a lot. And yet the irony is that all of my talent is a loan from God and my success flows directly from him as well. It was a surprise to me to learn how many of the top photographers, actually, photographers in general are sincere Christians. But maybe that shouldn't be a surprise since we serve a creative God who loves people. (=

The other part about online relationships is a good reminder/warning. I love that you, O Internet, have reconnected me to people I grew up with in Bolivia, my cousins in Canada and CA, people I meet on vacation, and friends from college. It's so awesome to pray for and communicate with all of them. Ryan reminded me tonight that he and I will have been a we for 12 years coming up soon. That's a long time. It would be easy for one or both of us to get bored and find someone else to interact with. It's easy access. I need to be mindful of guarding my heart and loving my online community with a love that is based in grace and truth.

Things to ponder. Things to work on. It's a rainy night, and I think I am going to go make some Kenyan tea and go to bed. Later!