I want, and sometimes I need, for the friends, family and clients around me to be in a good place. A happy place. And if that is not happening, then gosh darn it, I will make it happen to the best of my ability.
Things in my work life are exploding with opportunity and promise. This is good. But I don't want to fail. I am so afraid of that. I have to speak to a group of students at LU next week as part of a course and that terrifies me to no end. Visions of freshman speech dance in my head.
We were riding to shop for Kellie's wedding dress yesterday, and out of nowhere Faith says, Crys you should be a counselor. You are good at helping people process their stuff. A good listener. Which was nice to hear, but the thing is...if I am going to be someone's friend, than we are going to be friends. Spend time together, share life. In the last month, along with work, relationships are exploding too, and I have new ladies reaching out to me. Which is great. But I feel like a jerk, because I don't have time to invest in a lot of new relationships. I really don't.
So, here is the burden of my expectation, I am afraid of not being enough. The fact is that I am not enough.
Today I had the opportunity to shoot one year old little Ella. She doesn't sit. And she doesn't walk. She runs. Headlong at everything, while pointing and dancing and opening her little blue eyes as wide as they go.
"I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." Luke 17.
God, help me to accept what you have in my life like a little child and run headlong into it. Eyes and heart wide open. Help me to depend on your arms for the strength to make it over obstacles and through scary nights. Thank you for every opportunity and help me to make the most of each one while giving You praise, because You are the Author and the Finisher of my life and my story and my faith.
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