As previously reported, there is loads of takeaway from spending a week filming a reality show. There is one overarching thread that runs through each area though, and that is self love. Or obsession with self. Or narcissism. Whichever wordy phrase you want to use, what it all boils down to is selfishness. Wow, I'm a selfish person. And really good at justifying it. It shows up in all kinds of small ways. Last night, for example, I was laying in bed surfing facebook, (It's what I do) reminiscing about the New York trip with Faith and wishing to travel again....so I changed my profile picture. It's one I like from that trip, right before we went out to a show.
The comments immediately flowed in. Sweet, kind, very nice comments about how cute the picture was. And my heart lapped them up like cream. Actually, it was kind of embarrassing as well as satisfying. How do you respond to these things without looking like an ass? And what God pointed out as I was laying there was this: I am vain. I am insecure. I am too focused on myself.
The flip side of this is that today I'm working on Project 52. These women are something to aspire to. They show me, teach me, remind me...what is real. What lasts. I hope that this journey inspires and teaches lots of women as a whole, but really what I am learning is that I am the one who needs to learn.
So here it is. This is me, today. Actually all week. And this is how I feel 98% of the time. Not that cute. Not that pretty. Just a human fumbling her way through her life and grateful for forgiveness.
2 comments:
So your post just made me think of this scripture:
1 Peter 3:4
"But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."
It's so easy to get caught up in "self" (after all, we are the one we know the best and spend the most time with) but it's a soul-check to remember our maker's purpose, what HE delights in, and what truly makes us "beautiful." While God most definitely created outward beauty and exalts in it, how much more he is pleased by our beautiful hearts.
YOU have a beautiful heart, friend. Thanks for being so open and honest. :)
Waaay behind on my blog reading. Catching up a lil today.
Good to know I'm not the only one out there struggling with self-focus. FB sure doesn't help, huh?!
Btw, I think that natural look actually works for ya...as long as you're taking advantage of soap and hot water on a regular basis, hehe ;)
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