Here I sit in Nicaragua. It's about 6:30 am. I'm up at 6:30 because I didn't realize my cell didn't switch over automatically. Nice. Nevertheless, it's really pretty this morning, and the birds and I are having some quality time on the porch.
We drove around Managua last night to show Jen the city and a mini bite of the culture. Managua is not a pretty city. It's the capitol, but it's worn out, dusty, and very poor. The city's state buildings are mostly unused or in disrepair from an earthquake in the 70s and the combination of numerous dictators, the most recent "president" preferring to conduct business in his compound rather than say, the legislature building.
As we drove around and looked at the poverty, the shanty towns, the kids washing windshields for 10 cents American, we were chatting about the past and future of this country and how the actions of a government have literally brought their country to ruin. With no hope of change. Change has to come from the top down when literally everything is running on empty. I'm not gonna lie, it was a little depressing. These people live in constant disappointment.
Every now and then in my faith I take a moment to ask an existential question. Right now I guess the biggest one for me is whether or not Jesus is big enough. Yeah, I know, not really ok to ask that is it? We are just supposed to slap the smile and say yes. I've lived in and around Christianity my entire life, though. And so have many of my friends. And I guess what I wrestle with right now is when friends struggle with depression, or family has hurts so big it feels like they might just rip us open, or a new friend is drifting away because she doesn't have joy in her life. Is Jesus big enough? I think sometimes we are sold the line that Jesus is like a pill. Take one and feel better in the morning. Well, ok, but let's be real. It doesn't work like that. No one is asking for a pain free life, but when we encounter that pain shouldn't Jesus be enough to work it out or work a change? I've got plenty of my own disappointments I'm still working out. Honestly, some of them I don't feel like I should have to go through. And I ask that question, where are you in this Jesus, and why?
Jesus in Nicaragua. Jesus in the poverty and the prostitution and the life with constant struggle. Jesus in our humanity and our depression and our desires unfulfilled.
I don't know. That's my question for right now. So there you have it.
1 comment:
That question is essential to moving forward in our faith. It doesn't do us much good (as far as effecting those around us is concerned) to only experience Christ in a bubble or a self-contained Christian environment. Seeing Him as big enough in the real world is a challenge because we can't see the forest for the proverbial trees at times. Recognizing that our point of view is limited, as trite as that sounds, is a critical part of our human experience. The thoughts with which you wrestle are an integral part of our faith.
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