The View from the Middle

There is a fantastic hiking spot here called Devil's Marbleyard.  It's called that because it's a mountainside of boulders.  One tumbling over the other, all the way down.  It's a fun hike, with a really great view at the top.  The tricky thing about it, though is you can only see one section at a time, so as you are climbing up to what you think is the top of the mountain, you get there, and see a whole 'nother hill in front of you before you're done.  I've climbed that hill a few times with newbies and errey time there are eye rolls and groans and a stop to rest at that halfway point you thought was the top.

Last week a photographer friend of mine facebook msged me asking for business advice.  Routinely now, I get inquiries and questions from photographers asking me how to accomplish this or that.  It's kinda weird for me, because I feel like I'm still at the beginning, looking up at the long climb in front of me professionally to get where I want to be.  But after another conversation today with a colleague, it kinda hit me.  I'm in the middle.  I'm not at the top, but there are certain milestones that I've passed.  And I guess from where some of my photog friends may be professionally, it looks pretty high.  From my point of view, it looks pretty low. haha.  It was kinda an ah hah! moment for me.  A time to reflect and be grateful for the things I've achieved and incentive to continue to strive for the things still to come.

Friday morning, at 6 freakin' 30 am, we were sharing where we are right now, in this moment, with God.  And I've had a week full of what really is a continuous struggle for me.  Tension.  Caught between the time constraints and demands of my job, and the demands on my time of discipling, and building community with women at CRASH.  Wednesday was rough for me.  I had to go and return from VA Beach in one day, and head straight to church for group.  I was in the crappiest mood ever.  Angry and full of self pity.  In the circle, as we were sharing with each other, Ash said that she was feeling distant and disconnected from God and people and Jesus broke me.  Because what matters in life is not so much how much work I do, money I make, or artistic and professional heights I attain.  What matters is the people God puts in my life and says, walk with them.  They are the ones I'll see on the other side of now.  Melissa said this morning that she remembered a great talk from Andy Stanley at Catalyst last year talking about the tension between responsibilities and how God often uses that tension to strengthen and teach us.

So here I am in the middle.  Caught between places in my life professionally and spiritually.  God is teaching me that it's ok to be here.  After all, nothing is going to get done in me or through me anyway unless He's orchestrating and doing it.  So, for now, I'll take in the view from the middle and try to limit the eye rolls when the rest of the climb appears, as long as God's sitting right there next to me.