Sparkly Memories

I sit here on a lovely Saturday afternoon.  The window is open.  The breeze is blowing.  It's approximately a day and a half till we leave the US of A headed to Nicaragua again.  I'm SO excited for this trip.  Not only because I'll be among the HOH friends again but because this trip includes my 2 best buds, my sister in law, and 5 of my Crash girls. 

How my heart is looking forward to memories made and laughs and tears and pictures, of course. :)

I was thinking this week about my trip to NYC with Faith.  There are 2 memories that stand out to me.  We went and saw an amazing play called Fuerza Bruta, and the best part of it was dancing in the rain at the end of show with the cast and having the leading man come down and put an arm around Faith and I and dance with us.  How often does that happen in normal life?  Never. 

 Faith and I about to hit the town in NYC

 The leading man.  Also a very good dancer.  Also from Argentina. 

And then I remember we were at Union Square looking through the booths and went to cross the street to a coffee shop when a very fine(super hot/attractive/well dressed) looking man crossing the opposite direction stopped.  Turned around. Followed us back to the shop and told us we were beautiful and asked if we were single. 

Union Square Christmas Booths

These things happen in movies.  Or in NYC.  Or on trips with your best friends.  These memories shine not just because they were fun and unusual but because I shared them with one of the people dearest to me.

I can't wait for Nicaragua.  I get to share a place and people I feel called to serve with people I love.  These moments are gonna shine even more than having a handsome stranger call after us, because we're gonna have an awesome God leading us. 

 Oscar and Vilma

Tatiana.  One of the lil girls who was rescued.

Bring it on. 

Dirty Dancing

I watched Dirty Dancing the whole way through for the first time ever today. (Slow season rocks) 

Um. 


Patrick Swayze = hot. 
The 80s = amazing.

Can I please go somewhere and dance all night long. 

Sexual Abuse and Jesus

I believe in generational sin.

As in I believe it's real.

And it wraps its chains around multiple generations and runs a violent bruise of a thread through families.  I know it.  Personally.

I think that sexuality is one of the quickest ways for evil to take its first step into a family.  Quickest.  Easiest.  Most devestating.  There's very little that damages a human soul the way sexual abuse does.  Damage not in a surface way.  Not in a hurt for 30 minutes way.  Damage that changes the very dna of our souls and makes us question who we are.

Children with a history of sexual molestation are ten times more likely to attempt suicide (Conference on Child Victimization & Child Offending, 2000¹⁵)

I believe the church has fallen short when it comes to sexuality.  Not only fallen short but often nurtured environments where women are devalued and abusers can flourish.

Jesus has no part in this.  God made men and women in his image.  Personally, I violently reject any form of Christianity that tells women we are less than men.  Or to be little more than domestic servants to be seen and not heard.   Jesus often encountered and sought out women during his ministry.  A woman was the first to see the risen Christ.  God promises to pour out his Spirit on both his sons and daughters.

I have wrestled with grief and anger for many years because of the selfishness of men who would take advantage of a younger family member or friend.  Seen its effects.  It grieves me to the bottom of my soul.  There are actually no words harsh enough to express how I feel.


As we prepare to head back Nicaragua and be among the broken again I'm struggling to trust Jesus.  To remember that God is a healer and redeemer.  Sometimes the jagged edges of this life seem like too much.  God has never failed.  Not once.  Not one time.  So the sorrow and unbelief in me needs to remember that.  God can break generational chains.  God can set souls free from pain.

God calls to account those who wear his name in vain.

"This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. ⁶ If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. ⁷ But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.  ⁸ If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us."
~I John 6

Constant Craving

One week till Nica.  Team #1 has been sharing the battles we've all been facing individually.  I was chatting with my friend Keely about how spiritual warfare can feel like we are crazy.  But it's real.  We've been fighting back with prayer and support for each other.  Reminding and building up with scripture. 

Life can be crazy hard.  Sometimes it feels like there's no end to a situation.  Or a road your walking on is making your feet bloody.  I know that the constant craving in my heart is my strength and my greatest weakness.  When I look outside of Jesus to fill what's missing in my soul, that's when I fall face deep in....shall we say, poop. 

So here's to walking the straight and narrow on the days when it's not easy.  It doesn't feel good.  And every mile makes you tired. 

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. ¹⁶ Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."  Hebrews 4

i treasure your heart
it speaks straight into me
spins/dances/settles inside
and i hear it wherever i go
(i go places near and far)

you affect me in spaces
in places and nooks
unexpected. transparent is how i feel
when the chime of you
sets off waterfalls of echoes in me
(keep speaking/whispering/singing darling)

there is a galaxy between
where i stand and you go
where i go and you stand
but always hearing the echo of you
i blow a love note into the dark night sky
(i can go near and far because
you exist and my heart beats to your echo)

Hi-larious.

Unexpected Blessings

I'd like to take just a minute to recall what God has surprised me with this month:

* the IRS randomly sent a letter to my accountant saying I don't have to pay sales tax in January if I don't feel like it. Well, OK! :)
* I've been working out with a personal trainer for FREE holler!  Because we are swapping services.  And he's freaking amazing and I'm so grateful.
* I was super bummed because I didn't have enough extra cash this month to advertise in Clutch.  Jen called me to do some work for her husband and we are swapping ad space for the work.
* I will shortly be featured on Rock and Roll Bride.  A blog I've been trying to get on for 2 years. 
* People I've been praying for have recently been moving toward relationship with God. 
* I've had 2 weddings book for 2013 already this month. What? :)

In a month that's usually super slow for me and difficult financially God just made things happen.  And I'm so thankful.  High five for being awesome, Jesus!

Ron Paul, Rage and Ripped Workouts

Ok.  For the record.  I like to exercise.  Some who know me may scoff at this because I haven't done it much in the last year.  But I do.  The burn.  The sense of accomplishment.  The stress relief.  Winning.

However today I reached a whole new level of pain.  Matt, also known as The Man Who Will Murder Me.  Or TMWWM.  Humm.  That's long.  How about....My Certain Death.  MCD.  Perfect.  So MCD and I had our first workout today.  By workout I mean fitness test.  And by fitness test I mean torture.  I'm joking around here clearly, but not being able to go down stairs tonight with out saying some choice words is no joke.  I had no idea how out of shape I was.  Matt says that he can turn me around in 4 weeks.  I believe him.  That man has muscles in places God never put them.  MCD is not going to cut me any slack though.  In order to get where I'm going I am gonna have to hurt.  And work.  And if I don't put in that work I'm not gonna see results.

How easy is it to see the metaphor here? 

This week I had a situation arise in my life.  One that's not super new.  It's kind of repeat.  Not in the terrible effects of the lives it touches, but in the nature of what it is.  I have to be vague here because it's not my story primarily to tell.  The point isn't the story though.  The point is the immense and consuming rage I feel.   Here's the truth.  Every human being is broken and needs Jesus.  Especially those of us who call ourselves his people.  Being rescued doesn't make us better or holier.  Than anyone, be that each other or people who don't know God.   Christians who act like they have got it together and their check list is longer or their church is better or whatever make me sick.  I have never seen the rottenness at the heart of it so clearly as I have this week.   You guys have heard me rant and rave against legalism before so this is not new.  But every situation shocks me with the new depths of self delusion that go into working your way into heaven. 

Here's the deal.  Jesus says:  A good tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit. (NLT Luke 6)  If a person who calls themselves a Christian is not putting in the work of self denial, repentance, love and relationship with God it doesn't matter what size the church is or how many verses they know or how many 'Good' things they do.  The rottenness at the core comes out eventually.  The results spring from the effort put in.  I rage because I've seen too many lives hurt.  Too much damage done by those who call themselves Kingdom people.  They are blind guides who lead others into more blindness. 

So this week I've been trying to master my rage over the situation that has made itself known to me.  My speaking off the top of my head is not usually beneficial to anyone.  See last week's Ron Paul comments. God gave me this yesterday morning:

Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them.  Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”(Isaiah 30)

So I'm waiting to hear the voice behind me say this is the way.  But I'm gonna sprint in it.   Being that I'm gonna be in shape and all. ;)

Woe

 ²³ “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. ²⁴ You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.
   ²⁵ “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. ²⁶ Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.
   ²⁷ “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and everything unclean. ²⁸ In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.

~Matthew 23