2 Weeks in Spanish

Today feels a little unreal.  Culture shock I guess is the best way to describe it.  Like, is it really possible that I can't have maduros for breakfast, lunch and dinner? :)   Picking up my life here in the States feels a little bit like a skin that doesn't fit quite right.  One thing that living in Nicaragua gives you, is perspective.  Perhaps in fact, it's not a crisis if I can't get my way all of the time.  Or buy everything I want immediately.

There's no way to explain the gift it is to see a couple who has no bed or stove give a gift to a friend of shoes for her little girl.

There's no way to explain how kiddos damaged and used can laugh and hug and be normal.  And what a gift that is.

I guess being back here seems a little like, what am I doing with my life, really?  That's how I feel today.  In our BRCC church speak, we debrief each other after conversations or days of events that feel like they need examining, so this blog is my personal debrief.  If it rambles a little, forgive.  I'm trying to figure out what I feel and think.  Welcome to the maze. ;)

Week 1:

Week 1 was ministry and fun with women I love.   I saw my friends grow and take brave steps into relationship way outside their comfort zones.  With the girls and women and with each other. 

Highlights:

Teaching 2 classes on healing from sexual abuse.  Hearing Ash and Michelle give their stories and seeing the reactions of the girls to them. Sisne was on the front row crying through Ash's entire story.  Marcia and Kellie talked for a long time.  Josie asked if we were going to have more classes. 

Translating for Melis to the cell group leaders.  Actually the whole week with Melissa.  Being present when she stepped far out of her normal.  And being so super proud of her.

Visiting the cell groups on Friday and being a part of Carla accepting Christ.  Talking with Patricia.

Working out with Ash, Keely, and Kellie.  It turned into a dance party really fast.  We may have done the cha cha slide, the cupid shuffle and a lil dirty dancing to a dj from NOLA.  :D  Hey, a girl's gotta get her cardio in.

Hearing the stories of the team.  God breaking things wide open and working in several of the ladies to bring healing.

The parenting class.  Listening to the women get real with each other about how hard it is to discipline their kiddos appropriately. 

Getting yelled at by the park ranger for taking lava rock haha!  What's a mission's trip without a lil trouble with the law. :)

Lowlights:

Cold showers all week.

Roosters crowing at the crack of 3 am.

Week 2:

Week 2 was waaaay different.  First of all it wasn't a girls only club, there were 4 men on the team and Shea, Autumn and I represented the ladies.  I remember thinking at dinner the first night.  Dear sweet Jesus, do these boys talk?  And then I spent a week with them. haha.   Every one of those boys was a gift and I enjoyed what they brought to the table last week.  It's been a long time since I laughed so hard actually.  Thanks especially to Gary and Chris for that. ;)

There's so much to download.  Highlights:

Lunch at a way fab place in Masaya.  You had to climb the chairs to sit in them.  Amazing.  

The way that God merged his scripture to appropriate moments: 

Dave's first message to one of the churches that works with Oscar was utterly and completely applicable to what was going on in the church.  Without prior conversation about it, God just put it on his heart to speak.   So cool!  The message was on conflict resolution between Christians.  Scripture was Joshua 22, in case y'all wanna read it.  I had to read it.  In Reina Valera.  Yep. 

I was part of a conversation in which God told me to read a couple scriptures and speak out of them into the conversation.  It's truly so scary for me to do that.  I saw something online the other day that says, "speak the truth even if your voice shakes."  yes. do it.

Praying over prostitutes in brothels in the market.  Seeing real need and desperation in their eyes and being able to offer real hope to them.  Seeing a woman with scars from cutting and suicide attempts and crying because I think of my friend who is walking in freedom out of that.  And I know that Lisa in that brothel can walk out of it too, if she will take the steps of obedience.

Teaching a business class to almost one hundred women.  Seeing connection and thoughts spark behind their eyes.

Translating a sermon for my pastor Dave to the Tuesday ladies.  Turning toward him to catch what he was saying and seeing tears on his face for the women.  Heart = melted.

Hearing my friend Dan's story at the Quinta.  Dan is precious and I want a little one of him to put in my pocket.

God sparking a conversation with the owner of our Quinta about real relationship with God, and with other people.  So fun just sitting around a table and hearing the men with us speak into Enrique's life.

Having a conversation with Marcia about something that I did that hurt her feelings.  She told me she was angry with me.  It took 2 days for her to tell me, but she did.  Good for her to tell me.  Good for her to hear me ask her forgiveness.  Good for her to see that it's ok to say that you are upset about something and that things can be worked out and expressed in a healthy way.

Chris serving the Nica staff of the HOH by washing their feet after dinner.

Vilma was cracking herself up over these pics. 

Lowlights:

3, yes 3 freakin' cucarachas in our room.  Where we sleep.  And walk.  Nasty.  Enter plenty of ammunition for the boys to enjoy.  Chris Spencer, if you read this and any cucarachas find their way around me here...there will be retribution.

Feeling drained from constant thought in two languages and counsel in both.

Wanting more time.  Feeling a little like I've left some things unfinished.

Sunday morning service at the International Church.  Blech.  A panel of discussion on sex and marriage that had very little truth in it and lots of the cliches and image care that accompanies self protection.  The pastor of that church reeked of fundamentalist Bible college.  He was like scratches down a chalkboard to me from the very moment he stood up.  It seemed like they had a lot of social events and not much depth or life there.   Shea and I acted like junior high girls and passed notes about every idiotic thing said for the hour and a half we sat there. Example:  A fairy tale sermon illustration in which a man's life is fabulous and amazing until he gets married.  And then it's all over.  Because a.  Women ruin things.  b.  Women's lives clearly are incomplete and not worth mentioning until there's a man involved.  c.  Men never make marriage hard or difficult.

My slightly feminist heart had a hard time with this. 


Takeaway for the week:

Speak the truth in love.  Want truth inside our deepest parts.  Walk in ways that honor God in all things.  Internal and external.  Who we are and what we do affects those around us in ways we aren't even aware of sometimes.  Obey when God tells you to do something.  Do not grow weary in doing good.  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.

I love and appreciate my friend Shea.  She is appointed to do what she does by God and it's evident.

God continues to undo damage in me.  Before this trip I was a knot of anger over a situation aided and abetted by religion and leadership that takes advantage instead of protecting.  Being around Shea and Dave reminds me that the church is not all unhealthy and it is ok for me to trust a pastor.  God refreshes me with truth in that for the battles ahead.  I'm thankful for Blue Ridge.  I'm thankful for Woody's obedience in setting the example.  I'm grateful that God has not left me alone to walk in the kind of Christianity that wears his name but not his Spirit.