Friday, February 15, 2013

The Terrible Twins

I woke up this morning and checked facebook as usual.  (I know.  It's a problem.)

And right away, I saw something that made me feel jealous.  Over a friendship.

From there, I went to work and was culling my pictures from last night and answering messages and saw something from another photographer that made me feel uncreative and low.

And then I got an e mail from my husband (that I'm sure he didn't mean this way) and I felt like I had failed him as a wife.

This week I got a text from someone I serve with that made me feel pushed aside and unimportant.

So today I've been wading in this kind of insecurity:  I'm an uninteresting friend.  I'm a bad wife.  I'm a mediocre, uncreative artist.  I'm a terrible business person.  I'm ineffective in my spiritual gifts.

The reason I want to talk about it, and put it out there is another friend this week was telling me about her insecurities.  We all have them.  And they can be really powerful.  They can rule us.  If we let them.

So I want to just talk about what I've been doing today to creep out from under the lies and stand up again.

*I told Jesus exactly how I was feeling.

*I remembered that friendship is best when shared and another person's relationship with my friend shouldn't diminish mine.  As people of Jesus we are supposed to love freely.

*I made a game plan for ways I can hopefully help and bless Ryan this weekend.  

*Jesus reminded me that if I'm serving him it doesn't matter who notices or doesn't notice what I do.  Taking a backseat shouldn't be a problem if I really love Jesus and I'm doing things for him.

*I asked Jesus to help me sharpen my skills as an artist.  To not let me rest in one place.

*And I listened to the latest sermon from Mars Hill.  Talking about being appreciated.  Because like my friend Sarah says, Jesus is kind.  And sent my heart exactly the word I needed to hear.

Holding onto negativity and bitterness and letting lies about my worth live in my heart is dangerous to me.  And to the people around me.  Because it spills out of my heart onto them. Operating out of that place reminds me of water swirling down a drain.  Your life is going to get worse.  Your problems multiply.  Your attitude get stinkier.  The only way to combat insecurity is to look up and get out of the drain of lies.  Insecurity is the twin of pride.   They make life about me.  When it's not.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

1 Cor 13.  The Message

1 comment:

Sweetly Broken said...

I love this! A lot had been swirling around in my little heart & head on this topic specifically. Proud of you, God was glorified because you brought darkness to light. <3

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