God keeps giving me little pieces of awesome. Like my niece's fat little cheeks. A sunny day with a breeze, like today. A call from a girlfriend updating me on the status of her new relationship. A job that I still love even though I work way too many hours at it. Trips planned here, there and everywhere. Good music.
I don't want to take these blessings for granted. I want to take them in and hold them like a child holds her treasures: with big eyes, in cupped hands.
Love poured out on me is not to be taken for granted. Every good thing is from my Jesus. My God, my Friend, my Lover. It makes me look forward to that moment when I run across the grass in Heaven and throw myself into His arms.
I went out recently, and bought a whole lotta stuff I'm excited about diving into. Imma start with Soul Cravings by Erwin McManus. I love Erwin, and I'm excited to delve in and go deep with him. I've only skimmed the Barbarian Way previously.
Had lunch with Adam Barnes this week. He is humble, kind, and real. My favorite kind of person. I'm just gosh darn lucky to be part of this community of wedding photogs. (=
Some days God just smiles on you. Like today. It's warm. It's breezy. I get to head out to one of my favorite venues here shortly and shoot a gorgeous couple in love.
The Bachelorette is really good this season. Confession: I had a thought today that it would be fun to be Ali for a day and have 9 super hot guys romancing the heck out of you. And then I remembered that I have a really hot guy at home all to myself. (=
I would still like to visit that hot springs in Iceland, though.
Really want to go back to Nica this August. Have to fill out my application tonight and help with Sunday's prayer meeting. This kind of work is real and meaningful, it helps me stay grounded amidst the fluff of everything else.
My ankle is sprained and swollen pretty bad. Thanks Shawn T. I was trying on wedding shoes with Kells and I pulled up my jeans and said good grief! There was a small grapefruit attached to my ankle. It doesn't really hurt, so I hadn't been paying attention all day.
Found the ideal house today. As in, if I could have drawn a picture of my perfect home, this would be it. I hope we can get it. Think built in 1924. Red awnings. Brick. Flagstone patios. French doors everywhere. LOVE LOVE LOVE.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
I think all of us need a little slap in the face sometimes. Think 3 Stooges, Moe and Curly. Well, I just got a needed and quick one. Fantasy met reality.
Like that annoying guy in the theater that wants your number.
Like a bad penny. And who needs a penny?
Even a good one.
Midnight, you and I cannot be friends.
I don't want to see you again soon.
Same place tomorrow? No, I don't think so.
This little floetry is to let you know.
That breaking up may be hard, but pls
Let's do.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
LIKE A TRAIN ON A TRACK LIKE SPOKES INSIDE A WHEEL
INVOLUNTARY MOTION LIKE ROLLING DOWN HILL
AND THERE'S NO WAY TO STOP IT
IT'S A NATURAL THING LIKE SUNRISE AND DUSK
SNOWFLAKES, WATERFALLS SAME THING LIKE US
AND THERE'S NO WAY TO STOP IT
ONCE YOU FALL IN LOVE ~ Kelly Rowland
Really. I tried out the new blog templates a few days ago with sorry results. Saw Jeff's snazzy new look, and thought I would try again. So here we are. Anyone else tired of that beige window? Hands?
Hey, no problem. It doesn't take much to distract me from work today. At least I got this little situation fixed up. Tomorrow is another day, friends, in which to accomplish something real. For tonight we have this.
I've been a little punch drunk today. Wanted to do no work. Laughed my way through my workout. Well we did look like manic frogs hopping up and down. (= Desiring chocolate with a desperation bordering on obsession.
I've had a lot of fun saying that. And following it up with: to get my boobs done.
Reactions have been totally awesome. Shock, awkward pauses, confusion...and then I tell the truth. It's so much less exciting. (= I went to have some moles removed. Since Kellie is getting married and wants us to wear a short little dress I decided it was time, daggon it, to get the large mole on my right knee removed. I've had it since I was 12 and I hardly ever wear anything above the knee because I am super self conscious about it.
So I went. I sat in the office, and looked at all the ads for Latisse and boobs and nose jobs. And then I sat in the exam room. For half an hour. By myself. Which raises the question, why do they make you go to the exam room so freaking early? At least in the waiting room there are magazines. All I had to look at was a chart on the anatomy of fractures in the hand. Not that exciting really. Would rather look at the anatomy of a boob job and decide what I would hypothetically get someday. Too bad it requires major surgery and thousands of dollars.
The Dr. eventually showed up and was super nice. We chatted about where he's from(Boston) what I do for a living, and why the mountains on the East coast are better than the mountains out West. And just that fast and easy, I can wear short skirts and short things in general.
Vanity, yes indeed. But I thought my first and probably last trip to a plastic surgeon was worth documenting. The only other patient in the room was 80 years old. I think it was a slow day for boob jobs. (=
I confess. I rocked it once. Business in the front, party in the back? O yes.
Time frame? 5-6th grade. The optimal time want to be cool, of course. The sad thing is that my mother thought it was super cute and made me curl the front in big poofs. So not only was the party in the back, it spilled into the front. Not as pretty as Mom hoped, I'm afraid.
It must be an MK rite of passage, the bad haircut. Some of my friends also had some interesting styles going on, but I'm going to be real, real honest. This hair that I blame entirely on my mother, was on a level all its own.
In the interests of full disclosure, here it is. Take a moment to drink it in. (=
A friend posed an interesting question on facebook the other day. He said:
Interesting quote from this weekend's sermon went something like this: "if you are a true follower of Christ, you never have a legitimate reason to panic." is there a scenario that disproves this idea?
I have one that might kinda qualify. A friend of a friend's 2 year old got sick and in two weeks went from being a normal baby to being pulled off life support yesterday. She got meningitis from a tick bite. And this then poses the question to my heart, what if my niece Jordan was in that situation? Would I not panic?
The knee-jerk pious/Christian response of course, is to say that I will trust God in all situations because He is God and He is good. That's of course what we learn to say, what we are taught to say. To translate Sunday School to real life. Well.
Let's talk about real world situations. Let's say that your husband/wife cheats on you. Divorces you. Let's say that your parent gets cancer, or brain tumors. Let's think about infertility and SIDS and car accidents. Or leaving our relatively normal American tragedies, let's talk about 8 year olds being raped and sold in other countries. Let's talk about wars so brutal that women and children are violated in ways that I cannot even write down.
The list of wrong that exists in the world is unending. So do we as true followers of Christ have a reason to panic? Ever? In this life we walk out every day?
I guess this is where faith gets off the couch.
God says He is love. And He says that all things work out for good in the lives of the people that love Him. What He doesn't say is that life is going to be awesome, easy and pain free. Those things, the divorces, the tumors, the senseless deaths...are going to work together for good. That He is going to take our pain and make it worthwhile.
One of my favorite descriptions of Jesus is the Man of Sorrows.
Subtitle: Acquainted with Grief.
I have walked this road with Jesus for a while now. From my personal experience with a few deep griefs and pains I can say this, that God has redeemed each situation. Walked through it with me, and I can see His hand molding each experience for a purpose. Am I terrified sometimes of the burdens of this place? Absolutely.
But then I have moments where I talk to a friend who was divorced and abandoned and has turned that pain into passion and God is using him to reach other divorcees. I listen to him talk about his life and the path God has him on and I see the image of Christ all over his life. And pain turned into restoration and hope.
And I have seen children rescued out of brothels in foreign countries and brought to a place of healing and hope in the name of Jesus. I have listened the story of a man who killed for a living, and now ministers to broken women because his life has been redeemed and changed by God.
So we may have reasons to panic. To fear. But we have God on our side. A God who cries with us. Acquaints Himself with our grief. And turns pain around into redemption if we let him.
"Jesus now spoke again, 'Mack, I don't want to be the first among a list of values; I want to be at the center of everything. When I live in you, then together we can live through everything that happens to you." ~ Paul Young, The Shack.
"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." ~ Paul, the Letter to the Ephesians.
O. How He loves us. In our messy and needy lives. When we are clinging to faith with bloody fingernails and knees. God loves us with a love surpassing knowledge and cares for our pain.
So I found myself yesterday chatting with the wedding coordinator in the back of the reception tent. Actually, I found myself bragging about how incredibly awesome I am and what I am going to accomplish in life. Yup. You know that moment when you say something and immediately realize you shouldn't have said it. Me. Yesterday. Except I spent about 10 minutes saying it.
Today's message today was actually a Bill Hybel's video from Willow Creek. About Holy Discontent. About the burning in our souls that God uses to move us to action. And then I had Nicaragua meeting tonight about tomorrow. And in the meeting was reminded of the girls. The poverty. The deep needs spiritual and material. Followed up with God using a passage written by Mother Theresa and Isaiah 55 in small group.
Wow. So let me break it down for you:
" The biggest disease today is not leprosy or cancer or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted, uncared for, deserted by everybody." ~Mother Theresa.
"Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. 3 Give ear and come to me;
hear me, that your soul may live." From Isaiah 55.
What matters is not what awards or recognition I win in my career. What matters is not how artistic and talented I am. What matters is Jesus Christ. My relationship with Him. How that translates into my relationships with other people. How I care for the least of these, my sisters in Nicaragua.
O God, give me a holy discontent with anything that fills me other than you. I want to eat and be satisfied with your things and not my own. Forgive me for my pride and thank you for reminding me that your regard is all I need.
My legs do not want to work today. I fear that I have crippled them completely. The bottom line is I have started a workout program appropriately called Insanity. It's been a whole week, now and I've been doing it faithfully every day. Faith arrives at my house at 6 am and off we go to the world of Shaun T.
It's a combo of cardio and weight training using resistance from your body. For 60 days. My friend Will told me that he curled up in a ball crying on the floor after he finished one of the workouts. I laughed. And then I started the routine and I cried. For real. But the reality that hit me smack in the face was that I am tired of being where I'm at physically and I want to overcome this challenge. So I may cry some more, but Insanity is not going to win.
It's been a week and I've lost 2 pounds and my legs.
So....it's been a while since I talked about the books I'm reading. Here's the DL on it.
Just finished the Princess trilogy. An excellent autobiography ghostwritten for a Saudi princess. Sultana, is spoiled, childish and heartwrenching all at the same time. Mostly, these stories still anger me beyond belief. The answer to abuse and trafficking is a combination of Jesus and poverty relief. But this imperfect world is not going to get it all right and it hurts to read about the babies. Reading this story reminded me of stopping in the park in Nicaragua and talking to the 15 year old prostitutes working there. That was the hardest day for me of the whole trip.
Winter Garden, by Kristin Hannah. She is fast moving up the list of my favorite fiction authors. She writes about the family unit and relationships within it. I learned about the Siege of Leningrad, something I had not learned in history class. Fiction can indeed teach. (=
And, Robin Hobb is one of the more original and imaginative SciFi/Fantasy authors out there, I think. Her new duo is great and I totally enjoyed it. Escapist and a fun read.
That word conjures images of ancient Mayan rituals to me. Or memories of reading through Old Testament temple rules for Bible class in high school. It's really not a pretty word. Or a nice word.
Our worship series in church is wrapping up and the last message in the series was, you guessed it, about sacrifice. As in: present your bodies as a living sacrifice. That's such an ambiguous verse to me. What does that mean?
Or maybe more honestly, I know what that means to me, and I don't want to do it.
So here is a moment of great spiritual inspiration, I've been living in indifference. It's true. It's so easy to bury myself in my mountain of work and pretend like life and its issues don't exist. But it does. And they do. And God has been patiently knocking on my heart. Church this week was more like pounding and God saying, "Listen up, fool!" in a Mr T kind of voice.
Coming away from communion last night was good. Sitting in the presence of God for a while and just being quiet. Remembering O, how He loves us. Confessing the multitude of ways that I am a sinner. Paul has nothing on me, really. But all of that is kinda pointless if it doesn't translate into action and change in me. Indifference is not an ok way to live.
Confession is good for the soul. Talking to Kells at lunch today really brought that home. And her sweet offer to pray for me reminded me just how much I wasn't praying. Time to let go of my rights, my selfishness, and my desire for control.
God only you know the blackness in me. And you love me anyway. Unbelievable. Move me to sacrifice Lord. To offer you the little that is me. To be changed. To be less.
