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I've always been a girl's girl.  I love being a woman, hanging out with women, and enjoy deep friendships with some awesome ladies that God has blessed me with.  Our western society has sadly taken women and womanhood and made us into shallow cartoon characters.  And often we buy into it.  Women are more than skin deep. And we are more than magazines tell us we are.  I want to find and celebrate women this year who are making a difference, and living life from a different point of view.  One that says our worth is more than rubies.  One that says we are complete and whole human beings despite what numbers our weight, bra size and bank account are at. 

Beauty and joy in life defined in a real way.  Welcome to Project 52. 

Getting Ready

To start Project 52.  I have never looked forward to a project so much.  These women have bucketloads of wisdom, and struggle and joy to share.  Yay!  Can't wait, can't wait. 

these feet of earth and clay

make walking proudly

a little more difficult

Joy in Hope

I saw it this morning as I was leaving for church.  It's a lil pottery plaque that I picked up, can't remember where.  It has a passage from Romans on it in caligraphy:

suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. 

I have walked past it every day of this year and never really looked at it for a long period of time, but this morning I did.  And then in church this morning, guess what passage was highlighted in part of the service?  Yup.  Usually when God repeats something to me, it's for a reason.

But here's the thing.  I haven't really been in the mood to listen.  I could do with a little less perseverance and character building.  God and I had it out in church this morning.  I've reached the end of my abilities.  The end of my ability to deal with it.  To cope.  To try.  To even want to try.  I'm at the point where I want to move on. 

But I can't.  This place I'm in is a somewhat permanent situation.  Maybe being at the end of myself is a good thing though.  Because from here on out, I can truly say that only God has done it.  It's time to pick myself up out of the dirty dusty resting place of self pity, though, and carry on.  Carry on and trust God for the joy in hope He's promised.  

Tis the Season

As I'm sitting in my office this morning on Christmas Eve Day, it's quiet.  My to do list is short.  My cooking list is long.  In a few hours we'll be in church with our Jesus family and soon after that at my parent's house with our physical family.  Much to look forward to.  Much to be thankful for.  Most of all in this Season I'm thankful for a God who loves me in my disaster and sees the possibilities in this lump of clay.  Jesus is kinder to me than I deserve and the hope for my future.  Merry Christmas, blog friends.  I hope that today and tomorrow your lives are saturated with thanksgiving and love as you celebrate with your friends and families. 

Tis the Season to be Thankful for Friends

Rich.  I am stinking wealthy in friendships.  The good ones.  The comfy, no pretense, accepted as we are friends.  The ones that have lasted for years.   The new ones that hold lots of promise.  I don't know what my life would look like today without some of the friendships that have seen me through the rough spots in life.  Thank God for kindred spirits.

Tis the Season to be Thankful for Littles

There are a bunch of kiddos in my life.  My nieces and nephews give me great joy.  I love being an auntie and doing things like our annual Christmas cookie baking. Or taking them to the park.  Or snuggling with them on the couch and watching a movie.  And I get to be an auntie to the kids of our dear friends as well.  Children abound. Yay.  :D 

Tis the Season to be Thankful for Work

As I was driving into work this morning, and by driving I mean meandering by way of McDs, the Framery, and Walmart, my heart was so thankful.  Thankful for the ability to be my own boss.  To have an opportunity to have a place like I have downtown.  Thankful that there is growth and goodness in my professional life and all of it is a gift. 

I am blessed. 

HOLY GUACAMOLE

Um, here's the thing, I never expected to be chosen for this.  And so right now my mind and heart are in this order:  Excited, terrified, excited, terrified, excited, etc.....

Here is what I hope.  To represent well and to teach by doing, also to not totally screw up. 

If somehow in the reaching
I have gone too far
please forgive

but it seemed so worth
the aching honesty
and beautiful dream
to lay before you my heart

in its many colors
and I know that reality often intrudes
with disappointment and fear
but still, still
I hope for more

and choose to live in
this way, daring all
hoping that you see past
the outside into
the blue window of my soul. 

little pieces of my life

I finished painting the new studio yesterday.  You might think that having to put so much effort into something is a negative, but I like it.  Having my hands and my blood, sweat and tears in something feels more meaningful.  I like working for the accomplishment.

Last night, I wandered through Barnes and Noble looking for a new read.  George W's memoirs were outstanding, and so I was in the mood for another biography.  Something non political this time.  Nothing caught my eye, so I bought an anthology of short stories.  However, I still want that biography, so if you have suggestions, throw them at me!

Today it's snowing in sheets.  The first big one of the year.  Today is also the day I chose to move into my new studio...um, still doing it.  It will be more fun in the snow with hot chocolate at the end of it all...

I applied to be on a reality web show about photographers and I made it into the final cuts...I had my interview yesterday.  They are supposed to let us know tomorrow or Monday if we made it in.  I don't know if I want this or not, now that we are this far.  Is America ready for me?  haha, I doubt it.

Wellies are on, off to lug things upstairs.  Happy Snow Day friends!

A Life Less Ordinary

If I'm being honest, I will tell you that I don't want an ordinary life.  Living weeks and years of 9 to 5, with evenings of 6 to 9 spent in front of the tv has never, ever appealed to me.  And since we are in the Christmas season, I will also confess that Jimmy Stewart's A Wonderful Life has haunted me since the first time I saw it as a child. 

I guess what I'm trying to work through out loud, here,  is the idea of the extraordinary life.  I will tell you that I think that it's more than superficial.  More than success and travel and money.  Although these things are nice, I think you can have all of those things and still have lived an ordinary, blah and empty life.

In the way that life has of converging moments, or points of view, I began listening to Drops Like Stars today, by Rob Bell.  Examining suffering as a catalyst for growth, creativity and the extraordinary life.  Rob talks about two kinds of death, the obvious extreme suffering that leads to death and the mundane existence that leads to emotional and sometimes spiritual death, perhaps.

There are frivolous things that I want to accomplish in my pursuit of the vibrant life.

Learn to dance the Argentine Tango
Learn to play the piano
Ride horseback more often
Paint a masterpiece, if even a personal one
Be a successful, even well known photographer
Achieve financial security
Learn to make good guacamole

Did I put my career on the frivolous list?  I did.  Because I don't think that I can take my camera to the next life.  Or impress the angels with my accomplishments.  To be excellent in my career is a goal.

But.

When I think of the extra ordinary life, I think of those who make a difference: a material, definable, measurable difference in the lives of those they touch.  That life is not the comfortable life of someone who drifts along from pleasure to pleasure.  That life involves suffering and work and challenge.  And I wonder if I'm in fact brave enough to live a life less ordinary.  I am challenged by those who are already doing it.  Can you love so hard and so much that in the end, whether you are broken and bloodied by what life has handed out you can grin defiantly?  You can raise an open hand and dance in praise with more abandon, because you have nothing left to lose?  And am I willing to have nothing left to lose in pursuit of Jesus, as he calls me/us to the abundant life?

The only thing I know for certain is I do not want the ordinary.  The silent death of boredom.  The emptiness of fearing to love.

Interested in things I've already checked off the frivolous list?

Milking a cow
Studying under a master portraitist
Making a delicious sangria
Learning to drive stick


"Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?"~ It's a Wonderful Life

Snapshots on the NYC Subway

She ducked into the train and slipped into a window seat.  Pulling out a compact, she peered over the edge of her glasses and applied the lipstick painstakingly.  First one side, then the other.  Then folding her hands over her purse, she crossed her sensible shoes and stared straight ahead.  Where was she going?  To Central Park to meet a first date?  The air of expectancy and quiet resignation about her at the same time suggested the oldest, unmarried daughter who worked for the family business.  Or the librarian who read about romance and adventure, but had yet to experience it.

He sat, feet solidly planted apart.  Tan workboots on his feet.  Camo cap on his head.  Big hands, and thick fingers that rested on his knee, occasionally tapping impatiently.  A working man.  A laborer of some kind.  Construction?  City utilities?  Across his lap rested a dozen red roses, tied just so with ribbon and paper.  Somewhere in the evening ahead lay romance.  A wife?  A girlfriend?  An apology?  A first date? 

He is as tall and spare as the instrument that rolls next to him on its own wheel.  It's not every day you see a man and a bass stroll down the street together.  Both jacketed against the weather.  A man and his best friend, his craft, walking through the streets of Brooklyn and navigating life together.