Just about the time the shadows call
I undress my mind and dare you to follow
Paint a portrait of my mystery
Only close my eyes and you are here with me
A nameless face to think I see
To sit and watch the waves with me till they're gone
A heart I'd swear I'd recognize is made out of
My own devices....
Could I be wrong?
~ Sara Bareilles

Dancin'

Confession:  I love dance shows.  Dance movies.  Live dance.  All of it.  Secretly I've wanted to be a dancer for a long long time.  And I feel super energized and alive when I'm spinning on the floor.  (This post may or may not have been inspired by Dancing with the Stars tonight)

It's been a while since the salsa clubs and I have made a connection.  I'm feeling like a trip is in order soon.  Sparkly shoes, let's have a date. 

Balance

Hi, my name is Crystal and I'm a workaholic. 

The lesson has been impressed on my heart for a few weeks now.  Find balance.  Work for the eternal, not the temporary.

So this evening I took my niece to the park for three hours.  We played on the slides.  And I gave her piggy back rides and we looked at the monarch butterflies that are migrating through our area.  And I wouldn't trade those 3 hours for anything.

Turning

Another birthday approaches.  32. 

I wouldn't trade the wisdom and the experience that I have in this moment of my life to go back to my 20s at all.  I feel confident in who I am and comfortable in my own skin.  But yet I do feel that time is slipping through my fingers quickly.  Mortality is peeking over my shoulder.

I know that sounds morbid, but someone in the Bible said "teach us to number our days".  When the days ahead have numbers like 40 and 50 attached to them, it makes me want to count carefully and wisely so that my short span on this planet is not a life wasted. 

I also feel like this time in my life is a turning point.  There are things in my life that I will not change.  Trajectories I want to continue on.  Pathways I want to keep walking.  And there are paths and trajectories I want to step off of and choose another way. 

This 32nd year will be interesting.  Hopefully it will be a year where I can say at the end of it good choices were made.

In the meantime, my BFF gave me cupcakes for my birfday!  Luv. 

Furious

It's not often that people push my limits to the point of anger.  But I've been in that place all day.  And I still have to deal with the 2 people involved at 10 pm tonight.  Because they decided to show up at 8:30 instead of 9 as agreed, and then leave to eat. 

I. AM. OVER. IT.

So if you think about it pray for me around 10 tonight that I don't say what I want to say, and that I have wisdom in dealing with them to set boundaries, while still reflecting Christ.

I Choked

True.  After weeks of talking big smack.  Like watch out for the 6 o clock news, and Imma tackle him, and I wanta kiss not just a picture....

I choked. 

Me.  Front freaking row.  JMraz less than 10 feet away from me.  Him looking for a volunteer in the crowd to hop up on stage and get their boogie on. 

You know how they say sometimes time freezes and goes in slow motion during a car accident or some other catastrophe.  O it's true.  We locked eyes, me and Mr. A-Z, and in that moment, I put my hands down, and broke the connection, looking at the ground.  All in sloooow motion.

The chick next to me however was screaming, jumping, doing all the obviously correct things one should do in these situations.  And of course he picked her.  And she ran up and was ridiculously cute be-boppin' around while he serenaded her.  On his knees. 

*sigh* I'm a freaking idiot. 

Lesson of the day: never let your insecurities stand in the way of your dream.  Or perhaps:  make the most of every opportunity?  Or even better, but less known:  when gazing into Jason Mraz's eyes do not choke. 

Greedy

I'm greedy sometimes
To speak to you
To ask and to know what your day was like

To talk about mine

To hear the thoughts
That are important
Or not so much

To laugh over dinner or drinks
To walk into a room and share a hug
To catch your eye and share a smile

I'm greedy for the riches of your friendship
And savor the crumbs that I can catch from
This distance. 

Change

Late nights and mellow music usually lead me to the same place.  Which is here, journaling away the minutes.  The internet is telling me that journaling is not a word.  Well, tough internet. 

Lots of people have been asking me what the trip was like.  It's hard to break it into pieces because there is just so much that happened in the 3 days that to put it into one big conversation seems a little overwhelming.  But, I will say that two things seemed really important.  One was that the home recently took in a couple little girls that had been chained up in a brothel.  And when I say chained, like chained like dogs to the floor.  They are beautiful, darling girls.  Sisne kept asking me to be her sponsor.  And I had to compromise and tell her I would be her "tia" because she already had a sponsor.  But the ability to hug them, and to see a smile peek out of the corner of Alma's mouth was worth the whole trip. 

The verse, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me," keeps ringing in my heart.  There are times in our life when we can really make a difference.  When a disaster or a crisis happens in the news it can seem removed.  Supporting the home really makes a difference.  You have the ability to really change someone's life or circumstances.  To literally rescue the prisoner.  To bind wounds.  To clothe the naked and feed the hungry.  To speak the gospel and to live the gospel. 

Oscar said that he has always felt that real Christianity was not in going to church and singing specials, or volunteering for the churchy things we can do.  Although those are good.  He said for him, Christianity always meant rescuing the captive. 

Amen.

Back

My friend Valda and I were musing, as we observed our friends journaling furiously in Nica, that we need time to let things percolate in our hearts before we can fully express them.  Things are indeed percolating for me.  Hopefully I can share some with you soon.  In the meantime here is a favorite picture.  Tatiana had terrible eyesight and the HOH was able to get her surgery to correct the issue.  This is one of the very many many reasons why I go and support. 

Tatiana last year next to me on the left.

Tati showing me her saltamontes last week..