Tonight. Just unsure of what's next. Unsatisfied with myself. A little sad. Concerned for my friend. Thinking about burdens that need to be lifted. Frustrated with a client. Overwhelmed with the amount of work coming up and trying to keep everyone pleased.
So there is that.
And then there is what we looked at in Crash tonight.
"The Lord
did not set his heart on you and choose you because you were more
numerous than other nations, for you were the smallest of all nations! 8 Rather, it was simply that the Lord loves you, and he was keeping the oath he had sworn to your ancestors. That is why the Lord rescued you with such a strong hand from your slavery and from the oppressive hand of Pharaoh, king of Egypt. 9 Understand, therefore, that the Lord
your God is indeed God. He is the faithful God who keeps his covenant
for a thousand generations and lavishes his unfailing love on those who
love him and obey his commands."
~Deuteronomy 7
* God has set his heart on me.
* God has chosen me.
* God loves me
* God has rescued me with his strong hand from slavery
* God is God
* God is faithful
* God keeps his promises
* God lavishes his love
* God's love does not fail
* We are to love him in return
* We are to obey his commands
So it puts the first part of this blog in perspective.
Help me God, to run after you.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
More Rambles
For as much as I love people, I truly love solitude as well. Most nights my perfect evening would consist of my bed, a book, and a thunderstorm. Alone. Which is what I'm doing right now, actually.
Also, peanut butter and bread is delicious.
Over last weekend I smoked my first cigar. No good reason. It was randomly in the middle of a sunny Saturday afternoon. The smoke shop was there. The opportunity presented itself and curiosity won. For the record, it's not all it's cracked up to be. It was stanky and bitter. I'm sure it's a learn to love it kind of thing like some wines are. But for a hot second I felt like a bad kid on spring break. :) I will not do it again. Like a good kid in Sunday School. :)
Jesus. His patience and love for me are new and good every day.
I gets to go to Nica again 2 more times this year. Huzzah!
I have to go grocery shopping tomorrow. Lately, all I want to eat is avocado. Weird.
Also, peanut butter and bread is delicious.
Over last weekend I smoked my first cigar. No good reason. It was randomly in the middle of a sunny Saturday afternoon. The smoke shop was there. The opportunity presented itself and curiosity won. For the record, it's not all it's cracked up to be. It was stanky and bitter. I'm sure it's a learn to love it kind of thing like some wines are. But for a hot second I felt like a bad kid on spring break. :) I will not do it again. Like a good kid in Sunday School. :)
Jesus. His patience and love for me are new and good every day.
I gets to go to Nica again 2 more times this year. Huzzah!
I have to go grocery shopping tomorrow. Lately, all I want to eat is avocado. Weird.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Your Laughter
Take bread away from me, if you wish,
take air away, but
do not take from me your laughter.
Do not take away the rose,
the lance flower that you pluck,
the water that suddenly
bursts forth in joy,
the sudden wave
of silver born in you.
My struggle is harsh and I come back
with eyes tired
at times from having seen
the unchanging earth,
but when your laughter enters
it rises to the sky seeking me
and it opens for me all
the doors of life.
My love, in the darkest
hour your laughter
opens, and if suddenly
you see my blood staining
the stones of the street,
laugh, because your laughter
will be for my hands
like a fresh sword.
Next to the sea in the autumn,
your laughter must raise
its foamy cascade,
and in the spring, love,
I want your laughter like
the flower I was waiting for,
the blue flower, the rose
of my echoing country.
Laugh at the night,
at the day, at the moon,
laugh at the twisted
streets of the island,
laugh at this clumsy
boy who loves you,
but when I open
my eyes and close them,
when my steps go,
when my steps return,
deny me bread, air,
light, spring,
but never your laughter
for I would die.
Pablo Nerudo
take air away, but
do not take from me your laughter.
Do not take away the rose,
the lance flower that you pluck,
the water that suddenly
bursts forth in joy,
the sudden wave
of silver born in you.
My struggle is harsh and I come back
with eyes tired
at times from having seen
the unchanging earth,
but when your laughter enters
it rises to the sky seeking me
and it opens for me all
the doors of life.
My love, in the darkest
hour your laughter
opens, and if suddenly
you see my blood staining
the stones of the street,
laugh, because your laughter
will be for my hands
like a fresh sword.
Next to the sea in the autumn,
your laughter must raise
its foamy cascade,
and in the spring, love,
I want your laughter like
the flower I was waiting for,
the blue flower, the rose
of my echoing country.
Laugh at the night,
at the day, at the moon,
laugh at the twisted
streets of the island,
laugh at this clumsy
boy who loves you,
but when I open
my eyes and close them,
when my steps go,
when my steps return,
deny me bread, air,
light, spring,
but never your laughter
for I would die.
Pablo Nerudo
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Being Crystal
Well. It's been a while since I've done one of these. Let's catch up.
Today I was dropping work off to a client after hours. Her building was locked and I couldn't get in touch with her so I was pulling out of the parking lot. The security guard ran out as I was leaving, and so I put my car in park(I thought) but left it running and stepped out to give him the cds to give to her. Out of the corner of my eye I see my car continuing to back out of the parking spot without me in it. I ran back, jerked the door open, and hit the brakes while hopping alongside it. Turns out I put it in reverse, not park. A day in the life of Crystal. The security guard enjoyed the show.
My friend Keely mentioned tonight that God wants me to fast from entertainment websites. thanks Keely. Thanks for that. :) So I'm fasting till Wed. I know I'm supposed to.
Tomorrow is a day full of meetings and churchy work. Which will be fun I think. I got all needy on my friend Melissa today and asked to sit with her. She likes it when people are needy haha.
It's really warm this week. I love it! :)
Today I was dropping work off to a client after hours. Her building was locked and I couldn't get in touch with her so I was pulling out of the parking lot. The security guard ran out as I was leaving, and so I put my car in park(I thought) but left it running and stepped out to give him the cds to give to her. Out of the corner of my eye I see my car continuing to back out of the parking spot without me in it. I ran back, jerked the door open, and hit the brakes while hopping alongside it. Turns out I put it in reverse, not park. A day in the life of Crystal. The security guard enjoyed the show.
My friend Keely mentioned tonight that God wants me to fast from entertainment websites. thanks Keely. Thanks for that. :) So I'm fasting till Wed. I know I'm supposed to.
Tomorrow is a day full of meetings and churchy work. Which will be fun I think. I got all needy on my friend Melissa today and asked to sit with her. She likes it when people are needy haha.
It's really warm this week. I love it! :)
Friday, March 9, 2012
Obedience
Welllll. I've been posting a lot of heavy stuff recently. And as much as I would really like to be fluffy and funny and witty and light, this is the season I'm walking through. So. Here goes another one.
I'll keep it short though. I have to walk in obedience through some hard family stuff. I really don't want to. I've been avoiding it. Can I just quote Spiderman here? K, thanks.
"With great power comes great responsibility."
If you replace power with knowledge, then I believe that quote pertains to my life.
I'm reading in James. This is what God had for me this morning.
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6 But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
I can't say that I consider it joy just yet, but I do get the perseverance part. And the lacking wisdom part. So I'm asking and moving and trusting God for the outcome.
Yikes.
I'll keep it short though. I have to walk in obedience through some hard family stuff. I really don't want to. I've been avoiding it. Can I just quote Spiderman here? K, thanks.
"With great power comes great responsibility."
If you replace power with knowledge, then I believe that quote pertains to my life.
I'm reading in James. This is what God had for me this morning.
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6 But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
I can't say that I consider it joy just yet, but I do get the perseverance part. And the lacking wisdom part. So I'm asking and moving and trusting God for the outcome.
Yikes.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
But God
I suppose that after the retreat and the things that God accomplished in it, we should be riding some spiritual high. The truth is that for myself, and for a few of the other leaders, there's a feeling of eh. Discouragement. Detachment. I'm not going to speculate on the cause for my friends, but I know what it is for me.
It's agonizing story after agonizing story of difficulty. Rape. Drug abuse. Addictions. Depressions. I look at the faces of these precious women and their stories break my heart. They break my heart because the enemy is trying hard to keep them in those places. Sometimes the struggle seems long and really hard. And I just get overwhelmed.
I've not even wanted to open my Bible since we got back. At all.
Sin and its consequences really are death. There are no trite answers or cliches that will mend a heart. It seems sometimes that as I get older, life just gets more complicated.
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. ~Isaiah 53:3.
"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matt 11:29.
Focusing on the trouble. The problem. The pain. This takes us to these places of depression and sadness. I needed that reminder today to take my burdens, and the burdens of my friends to Jesus. And then to stop focusing on them and start focusing on him. Jesus is everything good and wonderful. God. Who made the sunsets. The rainbows. The puppies. Yup. My niece's face. Who remembers birds that fall out of nests. Who loves me more than I can understand.
You are good. And your plans are good. Jesus. Redeem our pain. We need you.
Woody says it. Andy said it this weekend. Here's my story. And here's where it says: But God.....
It's agonizing story after agonizing story of difficulty. Rape. Drug abuse. Addictions. Depressions. I look at the faces of these precious women and their stories break my heart. They break my heart because the enemy is trying hard to keep them in those places. Sometimes the struggle seems long and really hard. And I just get overwhelmed.
I've not even wanted to open my Bible since we got back. At all.
Sin and its consequences really are death. There are no trite answers or cliches that will mend a heart. It seems sometimes that as I get older, life just gets more complicated.
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. ~Isaiah 53:3.
"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matt 11:29.
Focusing on the trouble. The problem. The pain. This takes us to these places of depression and sadness. I needed that reminder today to take my burdens, and the burdens of my friends to Jesus. And then to stop focusing on them and start focusing on him. Jesus is everything good and wonderful. God. Who made the sunsets. The rainbows. The puppies. Yup. My niece's face. Who remembers birds that fall out of nests. Who loves me more than I can understand.
You are good. And your plans are good. Jesus. Redeem our pain. We need you.
Woody says it. Andy said it this weekend. Here's my story. And here's where it says: But God.....
Christ
be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me.
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me.
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.
I
bind unto myself the Name,
The strong Name of the Trinity;
By invocation of the same.
The Three in One, and One in Three,
Of Whom all nature hath creation,
Eternal Father, Spirit, Word:
Praise to the Lord of my salvation,
Salvation is of Christ the Lord.
The strong Name of the Trinity;
By invocation of the same.
The Three in One, and One in Three,
Of Whom all nature hath creation,
Eternal Father, Spirit, Word:
Praise to the Lord of my salvation,
Salvation is of Christ the Lord.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)